A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members with David Moyer
It’s hard to find and retain great talent these days. This makes it more important as employers to do what is within our power to hang on to the best of the best. With a lot of employees facing aging parents and family members now is the time to provide them resources to help keep them on the job and engaged. Most don’t know where to turn. This kit will help.
While building a successful career growing companies and trotting the globe for clients, David and his Wife lost several parents, stepparents and two siblings that brought into focus how little time we have together. We know parents are going to die but are often not prepared when it happens. In addition, stress, anxiety, fear of making a wrong decision haunts us all in some aspect.
As a result of these experiences and seeing others in the same situation, David studied the challenges of aging so that he could help others through this time of life. David is a Certified Senior Advisor and developed the Caregiving Toolkit that educates family members on how to start the conversation with your parents through end of life and beyond so that everyone knows what to expect and can make informed decisions when the time comes. The Caregiver Toolkit has 14 lessons and over 30 assessments and worksheets to walk families through this process.
While building a successful career growing companies and trotting the globe for clients, David and his Wife lost several parents, stepparents and two siblings that brought into focus how little time we have together. We know parents are going to die but are often not prepared when it happens. In addition, stress, anxiety, fear of making a wrong decision haunts us all in some aspect.
Full Transcript Below
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (00:03):
Hello, welcome to another episode of the business of business podcast. This is Roy. We are the podcast that brings you a lot of great guests from a lot of diverse backgrounds. You know, the purpose of our show is we want to always be putting new ideas out there for, uh, you know, our small businesses, entrepreneurs, and solo preneurs to think about. But we also like to provide resources that can help you solve issues that you may be currently aware of. So today, uh, this is a little bit of a, of a different subject, but it is one that definitely needs to be talked about.
We’re lucky that, uh, David more year with Udomo At udomo.co (yes .co, not .com). Gosh, I’ve been practicing that and I still got it wrong. [inaudible] and I’ll get him to go over, uh, the meaning behind that soon. But, uh, David is a certified senior advisor and develop the caregiving toolkit that educates family members on how to start conversation with parents through end of life and beyond so that everyone knows what to expect and can make informed confident decisions when the time comes.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (01:16):
Uh, the caregiver toolkit has 14 lessons, 80 plus videos, 30 plus assessments and worksheets to walk family members through this journey. Uh, you know, David and his wife experienced a well thought out plan and have seen the opposite, uh, fighting for every morsel of help. Some of this was not knowing where to go, who to ask or what to do other times they had to press past people who just saw their parents as a number and not mom or dad. Not everyone was like that. There were sympathetic people who helped as well.
They are gyms in, uh, you know, keeping this process going for Saul. So first off, David, uh, welcome to the show and, um, you know, this, uh, it’s a little bit different. We usually do, you know, more, uh, business systems, marketing sales, but such an important topic. And I, I read, uh, this is one of David’s statistics he’s provided that 20% of employees are providing care to the elderly parents.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (02:23):
I’m going to repeat that because it’s such a high number, 20% of employees are providing care to their elderly, elderly parents. So that increases stress, anxiety while reducing, uh, overall productivity at work. So it’s just something that, you know, as a small business owner that we need to not only be looking for changes in people’s habits and work, but also look at plans where we can, um, you know, help them through this process.
And that’s why I had asked David to be on the show because he has an awesome, um, it’s like a three-stage plan that, uh, you know, employees could work through to really help them out. Anybody can, I mean, the business owners, this is for everybody, but you know, when we’re a small business and have fewer employees, they’re all key. And so, uh, losing productivity from one or losing them all together, uh, you know, can hurt our business. So we really need to pay close attention to this. So, David, thanks again for being on the show. Certainly appreciate it.
Yeah. Thanks. Right. Thanks for having me on.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (03:32):
Yeah. Uh, so first off, I’ll let you say, uh, who do Mo correctly, first off, I’m going to give up on that and let you say it correctly and then tell us the meaning behind that.
So the name is [inaudible] and you got it, right. Okay. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a word in the Zulu language that means honor. And we use it as, as honoring our parents, honoring them as they age, honoring them as they get older and start losing their abilities and in giving back what they gave to us as they were raising to us and, you know, honoring them in providing them the dignity in their, in their, in their old age.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (04:17):
Yeah. Yeah. And you know, that it, um, it’s nice to live longer. We, uh, you know, we’ve certainly extended the average lifespan up into the eighties, but, um, I think what that does, it puts, there’s a, there’s a group in the middle and, uh, sometimes they’re called the sandwich generation because they’re actually still raising kids are still have young adult children. And now they have parents that they are providing more and more care for them.
Even if you’re not that sandwich generation, now, somebody like myself that, you know, I still, uh, have a career, a full life, but my parents are getting to that age where, you know, they are starting or fixing to need more help going forward. And it can be a real stress. Uh, it could be a real stress for the care provider. And I think the, um, I’m gonna let you talk about the statistic, but a lot of times is it like 60 to 70% of, um, caregivers, especially for like dementia patients can actually pass before the patient does.
Yeah. There’s, there’s a lot of stress put on employees as they’re managing their parents’ health. And, uh, dementia is just one aspect. I mean, you have a lot of comorbidities in that word just means there’s multiple conditions. Correct. So you might have diabetes with COPD and congestive heart failure. So that’s a comorbidity, there’s a bunch of things Roundup in that. And then you throw COVID in the middle of it, you know, that stresses the body more. That’s why the focus on these now is getting to the people that are over 65 that are most at risk. Right. And I won’t get into any, any of what’s going on there because it’s just another comorbidity. It’s not a thing that you have to factor in.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (06:12):
Yeah. That’s a double-edged sword because you got the, uh, the people that get it. But then I also hear more and more about, uh, the seniors that aren’t getting out to go to the doctor when they feel like they have, uh, you know, heart problems or, you know, they have like a heart attack and they don’t even go to the doctor because they’re so worried about getting it. So yeah, I can definitely add a whole nother layer onto what we’re talking about.
So, um, with my brief experience in this, you know, one thing that, uh, I guess the very first thing that usually is the, uh, stumbling block is having that conversation. I mean, it’s just, uh, you know, we don’t want to think about it. We don’t want to talk about it when we’re together. We want to have fun and celebrate and not be, you know, kind of a downer about all these bad things, but it’s a definitely a conversation that we need to have, uh, between, I guess, adult children and our parents, for sure.
Yeah. And that’s where everything starts was the conversation. And the earlier that conversation is had the better off everybody is. So if everybody is actively engaged E in deciding what to do, then when that event happens a lot easier to go through those things and that conversation can happen years before any signs start showing up. And in fact it should, because it, it, it gets at part of the family talk period that you can have with everybody. So it’s not such a big, scary conversation to have in, and there’s many ways you can do that.
We, we talk about examples when something else happens to somebody else, you know, Hey, I heard that, you know, aunt Mary had this issue, so mom, what do we do in our case when, when you get to that point, you know, let’s start talking about it. And I say, it may take two or three attempts before, you know, the light bulb goes off and says, yeah, we need to talk about that. Statistics are another way to do that. Yeah. You know, falling statistics or, um, concussions and things like that. It’s like, okay, what would happen? What do you want us to do, help us help you in figuring out what way to go if that happens.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (08:43):
Yeah. Cause it seems like the, uh, the closer that, well, I just, I’m using my parents for an example, the closer that they get to needing more and more help, the less that they really to talk about it. So you can kind of revert back to this, like, you know, we had this conversation about when you reach this point, these are some things that we’re going to put into place.
And, uh, I think that really helps, uh, kind of get the ball started rather than just setting down to have that first conversation when they are, uh, can be unwilling and not wanting to start that conversation because that, at that point, it signals to them that this may be the end of it. And, uh, it really doesn’t have to be, I think that’s another thing that we can reassure our parents is that, uh, what this is going to do is actually provide them a better life.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (09:34):
If we can put some things in place to help them either live at home, uh, safer, better, or if we have to, uh, you know, eventually put them into some kind of a senior living community, uh, they, they can flourish. But anyway, so I like the way that you have your, uh, you’ve got your toolkit broken down into the three phases, I guess. And, um, you know, the first one that we kind of started going down that path is that conversation, because it’s not only the conversation, but then you have some assessment tools, I guess, that you can kind of find out where, um, where in that aging process that they may be, or some, um, I guess, trigger some ideas to think about some other additional help that they may need.
Yeah. The assessments are actually a good, good tool to, to have those conversations, right. So, I mean, it starts out with, with simple things, like what medications list your medications. A lot of people tend to know what medications they have, but they don’t consolidate them on a list. So whenever you go to your doctor that the doctor will ask you what medications you’re on. You just hand them this list and they check it, then change it if they need, and then it goes from there.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (11:00):
No, I was just going to jump in and say, you know, we, uh, we’ve had conversations previous to this recording. And that’s something that we’ve talked about is, you know, Terry had, uh, an emergency with her mother. They had to run to the hospital and then while she’s in the waiting room, uh, she’s trying to think about what are all these medications that they’re on. And I think, uh, her sister brought a bag of them up there to start inventory. And so would have been an awesome thing to already have those all written down where you could just hand them off to somebody.
Yeah. And that’s, especially in an emergency situation, you know, the ER docs are trying to figure out what this person already has or is, is taking. So they don’t give them something else that, that, uh, affects that outcome or makes it worse. Right. Which, which is not a good situation. So that’s, that’s the simple stuff. Right. You know, allergies are another one. Um, that’s the simple thing.
You, sometimes you have allergies to medications, um, you know, most allergies, you could have food allergies, so the, the hospital needs to know those kinds of things. Right. But it’s also physical how physical you are. Um, and it gets into, um, all the other things that you can help your parent solidify and in get in one place, you know, as we go through life, we have, Oh, well, that’s that file. Is there, that information is over there. Or I think that’s in the cabinet, in the bathroom, in the lower. Right. But I’m not sure I haven’t looked at it for awhile. So these assessments bring all that stuff into one place.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (12:46):
Yeah. And, and you go on to talk about things like, uh, division of care, which is, uh, you know, that’s something that’s I had seen, uh, you know, I, at one point I was a volunteer long-term care ombudsman for, um, nursing homes here. We’re on live in Texas. And so when I very first started that journey, I thought I was going to be there to help protect, uh, you know, residents from the big, bad nursing homes and the thing, the atrocities, uh, I had an awakening that I was there to protect residents from their family members.
A lot of times. I mean, it was, uh, unbelievable the things that would happen. So, um, kind of getting some of those things worked out on the front end. Who’s going to be in charge of what, when and where, uh, if you have multiple, if there are multiple siblings that may be taken care of sometimes maybe even, you know, younger brothers or sisters want to be involved. So very important to get all that worked out
And that’s part of the front. So, you know, who’s going to do what, when it gets to that point. Yeah. You’re just going to be making the meals. Who’s going to be taking mom or dad to the doctor. Who’s going to be taking them to the hairdresser or the barber. So it’s just a simple things like that, that everybody can sit down and say, Oh, I can do that. And I can do that. Yeah. And if you have siblings, you can divide that labor up.
So you’re not the one doing it all the time, full time. In addition to trying to do your full time job, because as employers, we need, we need employees to be present and doing their job, but if they’re constantly running out and, you know, taking mom or dad to an appointment, and we’ve lost that time as an employer and trying to backfill that, especially the smaller, the company gets harder to backfill and you’re losing that productivity.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (14:43):
Yeah. And you may know the, um, the exact number, but the unpaid caregiver burden is, uh, the cost of that is crazy. But I guess the point, you know, back for the employers is that a lot of times this burden becomes so big people have to quit, leave their job, because this is a full time. I mean, it’s, uh, it can sometimes be, you know, 10, 12, 14 hour day, depending on what, you know, what stage that parents may be in.
Yeah. And that’s the cost that allows employers don’t look at is, is the absenteeism, you know, so that DRO drops the, the productivity down, right. In being present. You know, you can be at a meeting or being at work, but you’re not in the meeting and you’re not at work because you’re thinking about mom or dad or Kate. Now I have to do this and then I have to do this. So even though they’re there, they may not be present. Right. And unexpected events, you know, your parents falls and bang, you’re out the door and you’re, your client is hanging.
So you have the backfill that, or they’re taken off of, you know, the job and they’re off the job site kind of thing. And then you have to find a replacement and, you know, that costs a lot of money. And that could be 30, 40, 50% of the employee’s salary to replace that because you have the advertising to do the vetting, to do you have the training period, you have all of those kinds of things. Yeah. And you also lose that, that institutional knowledge that that person walks away with. Right.
And, uh, you know, you have to hire somebody temporary while you go in there. So the EAP, the employee assistance program helps alleviate that to the extent that it can and remove that stress. Because for example, the division of care allows the person allows the employee to divide that up across their family, aunts, and uncles, or in-home care when it gets to that point. Right.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (16:54):
The, um, uh, you know, the other couple other things in this, uh, particular pocket is the, um, you know, remote care giving. Of course we, um, a lot of families are scattered out. Uh, again, I’ll use Terry’s family as an example, they have a sister, uh, you know, in California, there’s two here and she’s in California. But, um, you know, they scheduled with her, uh, a time to come out, you know, that division of labor, but also, you know, they gave her some projects that she can work on from, you know, remotely where she doesn’t actually have to be there with hands on. So it’s, um, it’s been a blessing for them that it’s not, you know, it doesn’t fall to one, they’ve all three been able to take a, uh, equal role in providing care for her mother. Right.
And I included that because we were in that exact situation where on the East coast and my wife’s parents were on the West coast. So, you know, flying back and forth right now, I had frequent flyer miles that I could cash in, which was a real big help. But, um, going back and forth was expensive. And, um, you know, I was spending my vacation time, my time off in those situations where we were helping her parents out and, you know, slipping in the dare to have fun, but, you know, we were mostly doing that.
And so when I come back from vacation, I’m not rested to go back to work. Right. You know, it’s like, Oh, I need a vacation from my vacation. Can. Exactly, exactly. And the remote care also has you set up thresholds, um, on when to go, you know, um, at first we were going every time, but then we said, okay, we need to set up reasons to travel. You know, even if it’s three hours away, you know, it’s, it’s three hours there, three hours with your parent or four hours or staying overnight and then three hours back, right.
You, you set up a threshold, you say, okay, I’m not going to travel. If, if it’s just an appointment, I will travel. If it’s an ER, and I can talk to the nurse or doctor and they say, it’s time to get here kind of thing. Yeah. So you set those thresholds up and, and work those out with your family ahead of time. Yeah.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (19:18):
Which really kind of steps into the next, uh, the next thing is caring for yourself because, you know, in the caregiving world, if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anybody else. So that, that’s definitely important to keep that on your radar as well.
And that’s where the burnout comes from. You know, if you’re using your vacation or holiday to, to spend time doing that, then you’re not resting. You’re not using what vacation you have to rest. You know, I spent a lot of time in Europe and, um, they have six weeks vacation. Um, I was lucky at one point to have that and in my working life, but they totally unplugged, which is, you know, what Americans don’t do. Right.
You know, they don’t answer their phones. They don’t answer their emails. They don’t, you know, when they’re out on, on holiday, they call it holiday around holiday and you can’t, you can’t reach them. Right. And we need to get that in, into our, because that’s what it’s for. That’s what the vacation is for, is to unplug, unwind, recharge, you know, take your family on vacations and have fun and, you know, enjoy that. But if you’re not caring for yourself, you cannot care for other people.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (20:40):
We would probably do that at a younger age. We may not need so much care, so much care so early if we would, how to relax just a little bit.
Yes, that’s right.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (20:51):
So wrapping up this first pocket, the, uh, the next thing is the, of course the estate planning the documents. Um, and then it says that, you know, you include 25 worksheets just in this one, uh, starting the conversation pocket. But the, uh, you know, the estate planning again, uh, is an important thing. So it doesn’t cause issues at that time is, you know, who’s going to be your, uh, power of attorney, your medical, financial, um, uh, just working out all those kinds of issues.
Yeah. And it’s a plan, it’s an estate plan. So if you don’t think you have an estate, you do, I mean, you own a house or partially on a house, or you own cars. You may own boats, you may own, you know, snowmobiles or, or a country home, you know, a cabin somewhere. You have an estate. If you have money in the bank, you have an estate, you know, if you have CDs or any kind of investments, you have an estate, right. So what do you want done with that when, when you get old and what do your parents want?
Then a lot of parents have been saving their entire lives when we were talking about the boomer generation here, right. That have gone through the depression and scrimp and save every penny for the most part. So they have something that they own. So you help them figure out what they want to do with that before the time comes, where you can’t figure that out and you’re on your own. Yeah.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (22:26):
And you know, that is, uh, you know, working with the senior living communities in the Mo you know, working with some of their marketing departments. That’s one of the major things that when people come in, why they don’t want to do senior living is because they want to be sure and leave a legacy to their family. So it’s very important to get that worked out how that, what that’s gonna look like in the end.
And this is way off in a rabbit hole that don’t want to go down. And, uh, just, um, make mention is that even if you do have sizable States, I think if you start this process early enough, there may, there are, uh, legal, imprudent ways that you can protect the, uh, seniors, uh, income and assets going forward. So that’s of, that’s really all I want to say about that.
You need to seek out legal, a lawyer, you know, CPA seek out the, the, uh, professional advice to make sure that you cause there’s a time horizon that needs to be, uh, thought about as well, usually about a five-year lookback period. So if you’re, if you can get in that range, it’s good to seek out, uh, legal professional, help, legal and financial to make sure that you get that set up correctly where it doesn’t back to bite you.
Yeah. You want those done before five, that five year clawback is what they call it. So interests are a good way to do that. Trusts are untouchable for the most part, you can set assets into a trust and then they can’t be touched. Right. So that’s a really good way to do that. Yeah.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (24:05):
Yeah. All right. So the next one is called, uh, the aging in place, aging in place and the move. And so again, another huge decision that, uh, you know, I see I’ve seen both, I see people that, like my grandmother went to St. Went to an independent living community, uh, not unwillingly, but just, you know, with the little bit of persuasion she went and flourished. I mean, she, her social life sparked back up and she, um, it was awesome for her.
And then there’s some that are like, you know, what, not leaving this house for any reason. And so, you know, we kind of have to, um, evaluate what, what they want and then what we can work with, if we can get the house fixed up where we can, um, have it trip and fall proof or whatever, you know, safely from the outside, whatever. But anyway, I’ll let you talk a little bit more about what’s in this middle pocket,
Right? And that’s, that’s a, you know, a lot of people, a majority of people in the 90% range, age, in place, age, in their own home. So what do we have to do to keep them there? And that’s part of the assessments and the plans that you build out. So you can, you can actually, there’s, there’s a specialist that you can hire, uh, called certified aging in place specialists that will come in and take a look at your home and, uh, walk through the entire home and say, okay, here are the things that you’d have to be very careful with.
Here are the things that should be removed immediately, you know, tripping hazards and things like that. Right. And add some light here, because as you age, your, your vision gets, gets dimmer. So add, add light here. So you can see this and stairs, obviously stairs are a big thing when you get older.
Yeah. Um, but that the assessments help you walk through that, then the certified aging in place helps you walk through that. And then if you decide to stay in place, then you can do some modifications to the house. Right. And if you, if you get to the point where they need to be in an independent, or they want to be in an independent retirement community, continuous care, retirement community, one of those, um, there’s an assessment there on how to evaluate the community.
So you, you, you know, I say, use the, use your senses. What’s the first thing you do. When you walk into a facility, you look, you smell, um, sit down and have a meal that the PA that the residents are going to have, you hear what’s going on and you use your sense of touch, you know? So you use your five senses, you know, pretend that you’re going to be living there.
Yeah. You know, would you like to live there? So there’s a lot of those evaluations that go on and in determining which way to go living aging in place or in a, in a, uh, you know, facility or a home in some of these are group homes, group homes are, are starting to be a big thing where you have multiple people in a home instead of in a facility and they take care of themselves. And then they chip in for, uh, nurses or in-home care. That’s all part of the rent essentially that they pay every month. And there are options.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (27:28):
There are some, um, they call them pods, but even, uh, aging at home, they try to group people in the same neighborhood and they may have a nurse or caregiver, things that come and do some delivery. So that’s another thing to check out, you know, in your area as well, to see if those, I don’t know what they’re called. I just know it’s some kind of a pod, but, uh, those are great things.
And I, you know, I’ve, uh, mystery shopped, hundreds of communities. And so my advice on this is to, uh, make this decision with a lot of thought and care, because once you get to the age where you are having to move, uh, sometimes change is the very worst thing for our parents. I say, it’s very stressful. And so the worst thing we can do is move them into a place that’s not a good fit and then have to move them.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (28:17):
And, you know, I just recommend, uh, multiple visits. Sometimes you want to set an appointment, but you also want to go by unannounced and see, you know, kind of what’s going on. But when you make that decision, I would go to that. I’d go back before, you know, you make the move and go at different times of the day, morning, noon, and, you know, afternoon, just to see if there’s consistency, uh, uh, you know, across the day. And, you know, cause a lot of times if they know you’re coming and you have an appointment, they will make sure everything is a tip top for you to come in. So just, uh, be very careful with that. Um, making that decision don’t make it too, too hastily, if at all possible.
And some of the independent facilities allow you to stay a couple nights in an apartment or something like that. So, so you get a feel for it or your parents can get a feel for right. And, you know, try it out, try before you buy kind of thing. Correct.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (29:14):
All right. Well, so let’s move on to the third and final module is the last days and arrangements and. Oh my gosh, this is a, this is a difficult conversation going both ways. I mean, as a child, we don’t want to think of the, uh, our parents end of life, for sure. And, um, then even if the parent like myself, you know. I’ve tried, I’ve had this conversation with my children and I get the, ah, you know, hands over the years.
We’re not talking about this stuff and screaming and running, you know. It’s like, well, you know, we have to, uh, and it’s, I think it’s better, you know. Like I’m in good health and not planning on going anywhere in the next week or two. And so I think we can talk about it a lot easier and more jovial than, you know, if it’s somebody’s final days. That it makes that conversation that much more difficult.
Yeah. And it also allows you to have that conversation on things that you never knew about your parent, you know. My, so my parents, I think I said this before, my dad is full German. My mom is full Italian, so I’ve lived a conflicted life. So my dad didn’t want to have any conversations on any of this. And my mom said, yeah, bring it on. But we want to talk about this stuff.
Let’s, let’s talk and, you know, with the hands and everything, we even, and let’s do this. So, um, you know, my mom said, I even want to write my obituary. So let’s sit down and write it. And here’s one of the things that we started with. Um, she’s had a full life, but her obituary was facts and figures. And I said, yeah, mom, let’s, you know, after putting this together, I said, well, let’s talk about you.
W w what do you have? What, what were your delights? What did you, what did you really do in, in really loving life? And it changed it all around. And it also allowed me to find out things about my mom that I never knew. Yeah. Yeah. You know, she, she, when she was three years old, her brother needed to take her, her brother needed to go somewhere. And her mom said, no, you’re not going. You have to babysit your sister. So he said, I’ll just take her with her. So, at three years old, he threw her on the gas tank of his motorcycle and off they went. Oh, wow.
So I never knew that, you know, and she’s 90, she turns 94 this year. Wow. So it’s, it’s things like that. And you can have these conversations and, you know, she has, she has Alzheimer’s now. So the conversations that you have are different. Right. And, and I have these in, in the section where you say, you know, go through the firsts. Have those first conversations. I said, so, so what was your first memory that you can, that you can recall?
And Alzheimer’s really messes up your short-term memory, but long-term, it’s still there. So when you take them back to their childhood. That’s how she remembered the three-year old motorcycle on the tape, you know. Holding onto the handlebars, screaming her lungs out kind of thing. And you take her back and, and it’s things like, you know, every day. When her dad came home work, he gave her an Apple.
And that was one of the first memories that she had, that was three or four years old. So because she’s in a facility and she couldn’t get out, I’ve been bringing her apples and oranges. And it just, you know, she lights up when she sees that. Yeah. But I’ve never known that if I didn’t have that conversation. Right.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (33:03):
Yeah. It’s always good to have those conversations. And, um, you know, those little details that come out even still, you know, at, at our age. You know, we still find out new and different things every time we have an in-depth conversation. So, you know, the other thing, uh, in this last, uh, packet is the, you know, final arrangements. There are so many, uh, options, uh, you know, traditional cremation.
Uh, anyway, you can go a thousand ways on that. It’s all, I guess, it’s good to, if you can, if you talk about this early enough. You can get prearrangements in place. Because I’m telling you, you know, we, we never talked about it. But when my grandmother passed, it was a stressful time. And, uh, you know, she was a big constant in, uh, you know, mine and my kids’ life. So me and mom were trying to plan, you know, when we were devastated. And it’s not, sometimes you don’t make the best financial decisions at that point. So if you can get out there and preplan before all the emotions are there. I think that’s a good thing.
Yeah. You don’t want to be staring at the funeral. Director’s face trying to make those decisions in that moment of extreme stress. Right. It’s, you know. Sit down and talk about these things, you know, um, like you said, there’s multiple ways to, to handle this. A lot of people still like the traditional embalming and casket and viewing and all of those kinds of things. And those are important for people, you know, understand what is important to your mom or dad, right.
And in honor them in those important details. Some of them say, you know, cremate me and. And spread my ashes out the golf course or in our backyard. Or, uh, you know, compact them and compress them and shoot me into space. Or I want to be part of this ocean reef kind of thing. And now there’s a big move for green burials, right. Where there are cemeteries that, uh, allow the body to decompose naturally. And, um, you know, so you have a lot of those options and it’s not, don’t get stuck. Um, so, so walk through those before and, um, it’ll make it easier for everybody. You know, you walk in with the, okay, this is what she wanted, everybody agrees. And she agreed. So he agreed.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (35:33):
Yeah. And that’s important fact too, is that, um, it’s all, it’s good to get. It gives you peace of mind that you’re doing what your parent wanted. But also when there’s, uh, multiple siblings involved. Sometimes each person has their own view of what they thought mom or dad really wanted. And instead of let’s talk this out. So we actually know what they want and we can all know what they said or put in writing.
So anyway, never too early, uh, you know, to sit down. And have these conversations and get these plans in place. I think this is, uh, an awesome toolkit that you’ve put together. And, um, you know, like we say. We’re talking about it to give, uh, you know. Smaller businesses, employers, uh, the opportunity to realize that this it’s, uh, it’s a big impact on their business. And it’s, I feel like for the next five or six, maybe 10 years. It’s just going to grow in the size of people that it impacts.
There are 10,000 people a day that turned 65 right now there’s about 50 million of them. And that’ll go up to 80 million by 2030. Right. So that’s a lot of people. And that’s a lot of children that need to figure out what’s going on with their parents. And the last part of this, this end stage is, you know, I call it, but wait, there’s more. Because if you’re, if, if your parent owns a business, right. You’ve got to shut that business down or sell it off or work with a partners. Right. So you figure out how to have them buy out.
There’s a very, you have to talk to your, your parents about how you want them to do that. Or do they want you to take over the business or one of those siblings. So it’s get all that discussed beforehand. So, you know, what’s going on, so you’re not going, okay, what do I do? I don’t, I, I don’t want this business. I know nothing about it. Right. You know, so how do they plan shutting that down. Or turning it over or selling it or something like that.
That’s an important part of, of closing down a person’s life. And it’s, you know, selling the house. Selling the goods in the house if they stayed there their entire life and. And, you know, did age in place completely. So there’s a lot of tools in there to help you figure that out. And in determine ahead of time, what to do. Yeah.
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (38:07):
Well, great. Well, David, thanks so much for taking time out of your day, uh, you know, to be with us. And, uh, spread this message. I think, like I said, this is a very powerful. But it’s also, um, you know. You’ve got it laid out great where we can. You know, walk through these different things that we need to get completed. So, uh, how can people reach out and get a hold of you?
So the website is Udumo.co,(yes .co not .com) and you’ll see those three, uh, tool kits. There were, depending on the stage of your life. That’s why I split them into three. Um, you can use individually, or you can buy the, the complete tool kit. And it’s, it takes about a week or two to go through the course itself. Then it’s, it’s kind of like a lifetime of working with your parents. And your siblings or aunts and uncles and in those things to get it set up. So it’s, it’s pretty quick to go through. But I think you can pretty much have this done in about three to six months.
Um, the legal pieces may take a little longer, depending on how large in a state is. Um, and, you know, lawyers tend to work slower to get things right, but you have all that in place. So it’s done. So it’s pretty quick in, it’s pretty concerted in for an employer to offer this as an employee assistance program. It, it kind of shows them that they can, they know their employees are struggling with this. Or will be struggling with this and can understand that. And the, um, the website again is Udumo.co/eap for the employee assistance program. That, uh, that page will explain it. And, uh, all the contact information is on there. Okay. That’s Udumo.co/eap. Okay,
Roy – The Business of Business Podcast – Posted A Caregiver Tool Kit To Help Your Employees Deal with Aging Family Members (40:08):
Awesome. Well reach out to David, if this is for yourself. Or if this is something that you can use at your company. Or if, you know, you’re an employer for some employees. Be great to get this in place, to help them out. And, uh, probably even less than the impact of these issues on the business itself. Uh, you know, from having to lose employees or having that reduced productivity. This is a great way to be proactive and reach out and help them. And they will be appreciative of it.
I guarantee you, uh, the stress of waiting till the very last minute to handle these is. Uh, it’s unbelievable and, uh, can really put you. Can really make you out of sorts because of all the stress over these discussions and getting plans in place. So anyway, that’s going to do it for us today for this episode of the business of business podcast. Uh, you can always find us at www.thebusinesstobusinesspodcast.com. We are on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and this will go. A video will go up on YouTube as well when we’re through. So, um, until next time, take care of yourself and take care of each other, David. Thanks again.
Thanks Roy. Thanks for having me on.